two and three. [of ten thousand]

Well, it's been a tough weekend. This really is a battle.

I'm determined to keep going, to keep trying, to keep fighting.

This morning I read through the majority of my previous posts. It left me feeling pretty convicted and down. Like, who is this girl writing these words? She's trying, she's learning, she's growing. And then she stopped. I stopped. But I'm back again, willing and wanting to pick up where I left off and move onward and upward.

Anyway,I have reasons two and three to share today:

two.
He sees me, He knows me, He loves me. Specifically: I am quite thankful He put the notion in my head to start up a blog at the beginning of this year. In my first post I mentioned that this would serve as a giant post-it of sorts. I remember things much better when they're written down. Even when I don't remember them, I can look back and remember if they're written down. I forgot, but I had written it down and now I'm remembering. He sees me, He knows me, He loves me.

three.
He provides. Specifically: I have a home, a bed, a car, a plethora of clothes, a full fridge and pantry and a steady job. The essentials and then some.

This is short, but it's something.

As another wise friend once told me, deep breaths and small steps.

one. [of ten thousand]

After quite a hiatus, I am back. Back with words, words that matter.

To be completely honest, these past couple of months have been/are still difficult. There are many factors  that have contributed to that. But I'm being honest here, so I have to say, the biggest factor is...ME.

Paul sums it pretty well here:
"For we know that the law is spiritual; but I am of the flesh, sold into slavery under sin. I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree that the law is good. But in fact it is no longer I that do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells within me, that is, in my flesh. I can will what is right, but I cannot do it. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I that do it, but sin that dwells within me."

I've definitely been feeling overwhelmed by my sin rather than His love. It's a constant battle within myself, and some days I really don't feel like fighting it. But I have to. Why? As a wise friend told me less than an hour ago, "to give up is to give away Christ's victory."

 As a step forward in this battle I'm challenging myself, and anyone who'd like to keep me accountable or join in, to find 10,000 reasons to praise God. (yeah, I was inspired by the song)

The plan is to share at least one a day. And these are  solid, specific reasons. 

Tonight, I praise God for the friends He's put in my life to pray me through this battle. For Trav and Beth and Tom, for Anna, for Lys, for Lauren, for Marissa,  Courtney, Fran, Micaella, Kelsey, Natalie, Cynthia, Ashley, Faith, Jianni, Amanda and Krissy, for Annie, for Marisela, for Amie, for Av, for Steven, for Sarah, for Emery, for Kim and Susan, and for so many others. These encouragers and prayer warriors,these friends and givers of great hugs, these tear-driers and hand-holders...they are reminders that I am seen, I am loved and I am not fighting this alone.

"But there's one other thing I remember, 

 and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:

God's loyal love couldn't have run out,
   his merciful love couldn't have dried up.
They're created new every morning.
   How great your faithfulness!
I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).
   He's all I've got."

- Lamentations 3:21-23