q & a.

Anyone who has known me for a while, will tell you...I'm a worrier.
I used to have this joke(?) that one of my best talents was worrying. Sadly,  it's kind of true. I'm really good at finding something to worry about.

But you know what is also true? God knows that I'm a worrier. He knows I am a planner. He knows what I need to hear, when I need to hear it.

This idea, that God knows me and knows what I need is where the title of this blog comes from:

Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? If then you are not able to do so small a thing as that, why do you worry about the rest? Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will He clothe you--you of little  faith!
- Luke 12:24-28

Well, I just wanted to share some of the times that God has silenced my worry with His faithfulness. Even when I forget and get caught up in worry again, He patiently, lovingly reminds me of how He loves in His still small voice...

God, I graduated from high school, what am I supposed to do??

come to Portugal, meet these people, open your mind to a new way of life.

God, I am back in California, I'd rather be in Portugal. What am I supposed to do??

come to Fresno Pacific, meet these people,  open your mind to a new way of life. 

God, I have to pick a major. What am I supposed to do??

come to MBMSI, meet these people, open your mind to a new way of life. (it's okay that people don't think it's a practical major)

God, I am Biblical Studies major, I don't want to be a pastor. Do I have to go to seminary? . What am I supposed to do??

visit some seminaries, meet these people, open your mind to a new way of life. (it's okay not to go to seminary)

God, I still think about Portugal a lot. I need closure. What am I supposed to do??

come to portugal with this ticket that you can afford, reconnect with these people, open your mind to a new way of life. (you'll be coming back)

God, I know You're continually keeping Portugal on my heart for a reason but I have all of this student loan debt. What am I supposed to do??take this full time job.* and this check for half of your loans. learn skills to be used in the role I'm preparing you for in Portugal. 

*By the way...this is a really awesome story that is best, in my opinion, told in person. You should ask me about it sometime.

Sometimes it's difficult to hear the whisper of His voice among the noise of world and the voices of others. A whispered voice is best heard when you're close, When you're intimate.

Let's take some time to draw near to God this week. Just see what happens. :)

airplanes and earth.

I love to travel.


I especially love traveling when it includes taking an airplane. There's just something about being up in the sky, looking out the window at the pillows of clouds and the patchwork quilt that is the Earth that is so...exhilarating.awe-inspiring.peaceful.

In an airplane, I can see for miles. In an airplane, I can take in the map of the land. In an airplane, I can see the big picture. 

This is a valuable view, one I don't often get. You see, I live on the ground. I am surrounded by the present. On the ground, I often forget that there is more to the picture than what I see in front of me.

However, on the ground, I can see the cracks in the road and the needles on the pines. On the ground, I can see the smiles and tears on the faces of those I love. On the ground, I can see the details. 

Therefore, this is also a valuable view.

The problem I face is finding the balance between the two.
Spend too much time in an airplane, and I begin to think I know best, that I have control. I am soon selfish.

Spend too much time on the ground, and I begin to think everything is limited to the here and the now, that I am stuck. I am soon overwhelmed.


I am constantly finding myself struggling to find the middle space. I'm not sure what that looks like exactly. Well actually, maybe do. I think it'll be orange.
(it's okay if you don't get that part.)


Anyone else feel like they're stuck in an airplane or a car? If yes, praise God! We are not alone in this. :)


¡Vaya con Dios!

rainy.

Rain, rain come this way,
Come to stay for several days.
That's the song I'll teach my children someday. 

There's just something about rain that I just can't seem to get enough of. A friend of mine said it quite perfectly this week. Rain is:
"Such a relief. Rest. Joy."

I know I didn't always used to like rainy days. When I was really young, I was terrified of lighting (I figured our log home would burn pretty well...) and in high school I remember complaining about how I hated the way my jeans turned into giant sponges that had half of my leg drenched by lunchtime. But as time went by and life was experienced, as with many other things, my views were broadened and I began to see it differently.

My sophomore year of college was by far the most difficult year of my life. (Seems a bit naïve to say that since I've been alive for twenty-two years. Anyway...) That year was difficult emotionally, mentally, physically and especially spiritually. You know when people say they're going through a dry spell in their relationship with God? I felt like I was in a desert.  There were few things that brought me genuine joy during that year, but one of them was rain. Rain brought cleansing. Nourishment. Healing. In the rain I felt remembered. I felt cared for. I felt loved. 

In movies, rain seems most often connected to a sad scene. In the movie of my life, rain became a source of pure joy. I guess that's why I get so bummed out when people rag on the rain. Maybe sometimes rain does make you sad, but I've found it's okay to be sad sometimes. Following Jesus doesn't mean being happy all the time. Life is tough. There are moments of great pain and moments of great joy. And also just moments that don't seem to fit in either of those extremes. 

You may not think about rain the way I do, but I think there's probably something God's used in each of our lives that we may not have expected, or even liked, to reveal Himself in a new way and bring us closer to Him. Let's encourage each other, sometimes it's really difficult to see those things when we're still in the midst of them.

p.s. if you've never tried it, I highly encourage you to go dance in the rain this week! (barefoot is best)

good plan.

"O LORD my God, you have performed many wonders for us. Your plans for us are too numerous to list. You have no equal. If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds, I would never come to the end of them." --Psalm 40:5, NLT


This past week was filled with overwhelming, undeniable confirmations that God has some wonderful plans for me, here and in Massamá:


On Tuesday, I had Portugal on my mind...ALL DAY. This isn't too uncommon, but on this day in particular, I was overwhelmed with homesickness. The workday seemed to go by painstakingly slow and I found myself frustrated that I was in an office, sitting in front of a computer, scanning documents and inputting budget hours into a database. My heart and brain seemed to scream, "THIS IS NOT WHAT I WAS MADE TO DO!" with every hour that passed. After work, I drove to the grocery store to meet up with my mom to get snacks for the get-together I was hosting on Saturday. I arrived before she did so I waited in my car, that's when the tears came. I found myself sobbing in the Food 4 Less parking lot, feeling a  literal ache to be at Espaço with Joe and Paula, Mila,Zé and Herculano, Dona Fernanda and everyone else there. I realized that this homesick feeling was not something to brush off, it's not very normal to cry in a grocery store's parking lot, and began to pray for all of them. I didn't get a specific vision of why that community was so heavily laid upon my heart, but I did feel a sense of hope begin to grow as I prayed. Hope for what's been done and what will be done. In the lives of those people, in their neighborhood, in their city and in their country. And hope that someday, I'll get to be a part of it all.


On Wednesday, I received a check in the mail that is going to cut my student loan debt in half. It's a long story of how I got blessed with this money, but ultimately all you need to know is that "God's work done in God's way will never lack God's supply" (Hudson Taylor). I know that this does not mean God's supply is always money, in this case I think money was only part of what He supplied. Notice that the tears and love for Portugal happened before the money came. I feel more blessed to still have a passion to be with the community and ministry that's going on in Massamá. Yes, this money will be one important section of the path that's being cleared and prepared for me to return, but I do not want to forget that the reason I'm even on this path is because God has led me here.


On Friday, I found out that I will be gaining some new responsibilities at work. The next two weeks will be filled with training as I become a key person in the firm's marketing publications (newsletters, promo items, etc.) and event planning (Wednesday night Tax Season dinners for staff, staff parties, staff appreciation and acknowledgement). I am SO excited for this. My first thought was: "I GET TO CREATE STUFF!" and my second, "I CAN TAKE THIS KNOWLEDGE/SKILL SET TO PORTUGAL!" (Apparently, I yell my thoughts.) When I met with one of the partners to officially accept the new responsibilities, I gained another reason why this is going to be such a great fit. He said something along the lines of, "This will really be great for you to use in your future ministry plans. You'll be given a message that needs to be shared and it's you're job to figure out the best way to communicate and spread that message." He also taked about Paul and how he approached his ministry. Um, can I just say, YES.
And also, maybe I should have minored or something in Communications. 
Regardless, God is so good to give me a peek into what good plans He has for me here and now.


I hope this didn't come off as braggy or prideful. My hope is that you are encouraged to know that God's got some pretty sweet plans for us. And He provides. In His way and in His timing.

"'For surely I know the plans I have for you', says the Lord, 'plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.'"--Jeremiah 29:11, NRSV