a letter to Bboy.

Dear Auggie,

My sweet boy, while I can remember life before you, it’s near impossible to imagine it without you now. On our second Mother’s Day, and our first since you’ve been born, I want to jot down a few things for you.

Your dad and I were talking today about how lucky we feel that you’re such a low-key baby. You have the sweetest temperament, with a silly streak that brings us so much joy. Your laughter is infectious, and we are having so much fun finding new ways to hear it. You are fascinated by your dog, and he very patiently obliges your not-so-gentle love. Sometimes you make faces that I’ve often made. Other times I take a photo of you and see so much of your dad. And while it’s so fun to see what parts of ourselves we’ve passed on to you, I love that you are your own person. I like getting to know you.

I have often heard parents talking about giving their kids what they didn’t have, but I don’t think I truly understood what a gift it is to be able to do that until I became your mom. One of the unique ways that I have been able to is perhaps the simplest, and also the most profound—being with you these past eight months. I’m so grateful to have been adopted, but I have also found so much healing in getting to share in your earliest memories and milestones. I love that you know my face and my voice, and that you’re even starting to respond to my name now. You’ll never have to wonder who I am or how much you’re wanted, because I’m here with you and will tell, or sing it to you, every day.

You are my Auggie, my only Auggie.

You make me happy on all the days.

I hope you know, dear, how much I love you;

It’s more than words can say.

I loveyou loveyou loveyou,

Mama

six. [of ten thousand]

Today's reason for praise probably doesn't come as much of a surprise for those that know anything about my Wednesdays...

six.
Praise God for the gracious hearts, inquiring minds, and infectious joy of children. Wednesday evenings never fail to lift my spirit and bring a smile to my face. Praise God for my kinder lifegroup. Praise God for these two hours each week filled with shamelessly silly hand motions, meaningful games and crafts and encouragingly insightful discussions with the coolest four and five year olds.

q & a.

Anyone who has known me for a while, will tell you...I'm a worrier.
I used to have this joke(?) that one of my best talents was worrying. Sadly,  it's kind of true. I'm really good at finding something to worry about.

But you know what is also true? God knows that I'm a worrier. He knows I am a planner. He knows what I need to hear, when I need to hear it.

This idea, that God knows me and knows what I need is where the title of this blog comes from:

Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? If then you are not able to do so small a thing as that, why do you worry about the rest? Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will He clothe you--you of little  faith!
- Luke 12:24-28

Well, I just wanted to share some of the times that God has silenced my worry with His faithfulness. Even when I forget and get caught up in worry again, He patiently, lovingly reminds me of how He loves in His still small voice...

God, I graduated from high school, what am I supposed to do??

come to Portugal, meet these people, open your mind to a new way of life.

God, I am back in California, I'd rather be in Portugal. What am I supposed to do??

come to Fresno Pacific, meet these people,  open your mind to a new way of life. 

God, I have to pick a major. What am I supposed to do??

come to MBMSI, meet these people, open your mind to a new way of life. (it's okay that people don't think it's a practical major)

God, I am Biblical Studies major, I don't want to be a pastor. Do I have to go to seminary? . What am I supposed to do??

visit some seminaries, meet these people, open your mind to a new way of life. (it's okay not to go to seminary)

God, I still think about Portugal a lot. I need closure. What am I supposed to do??

come to portugal with this ticket that you can afford, reconnect with these people, open your mind to a new way of life. (you'll be coming back)

God, I know You're continually keeping Portugal on my heart for a reason but I have all of this student loan debt. What am I supposed to do??take this full time job.* and this check for half of your loans. learn skills to be used in the role I'm preparing you for in Portugal. 

*By the way...this is a really awesome story that is best, in my opinion, told in person. You should ask me about it sometime.

Sometimes it's difficult to hear the whisper of His voice among the noise of world and the voices of others. A whispered voice is best heard when you're close, When you're intimate.

Let's take some time to draw near to God this week. Just see what happens. :)

rainy.

Rain, rain come this way,
Come to stay for several days.
That's the song I'll teach my children someday. 

There's just something about rain that I just can't seem to get enough of. A friend of mine said it quite perfectly this week. Rain is:
"Such a relief. Rest. Joy."

I know I didn't always used to like rainy days. When I was really young, I was terrified of lighting (I figured our log home would burn pretty well...) and in high school I remember complaining about how I hated the way my jeans turned into giant sponges that had half of my leg drenched by lunchtime. But as time went by and life was experienced, as with many other things, my views were broadened and I began to see it differently.

My sophomore year of college was by far the most difficult year of my life. (Seems a bit naïve to say that since I've been alive for twenty-two years. Anyway...) That year was difficult emotionally, mentally, physically and especially spiritually. You know when people say they're going through a dry spell in their relationship with God? I felt like I was in a desert.  There were few things that brought me genuine joy during that year, but one of them was rain. Rain brought cleansing. Nourishment. Healing. In the rain I felt remembered. I felt cared for. I felt loved. 

In movies, rain seems most often connected to a sad scene. In the movie of my life, rain became a source of pure joy. I guess that's why I get so bummed out when people rag on the rain. Maybe sometimes rain does make you sad, but I've found it's okay to be sad sometimes. Following Jesus doesn't mean being happy all the time. Life is tough. There are moments of great pain and moments of great joy. And also just moments that don't seem to fit in either of those extremes. 

You may not think about rain the way I do, but I think there's probably something God's used in each of our lives that we may not have expected, or even liked, to reveal Himself in a new way and bring us closer to Him. Let's encourage each other, sometimes it's really difficult to see those things when we're still in the midst of them.

p.s. if you've never tried it, I highly encourage you to go dance in the rain this week! (barefoot is best)