graça.

I've had a heavy heart today. All weekend really. I've had some excellent, tough, encouraging and emotional conversations in the past few days. I feel like there is so much I want/need to say, but I'm not really sure how to say it. I usually do better in writing than in person, so here's my attempt:

I'm sorry.
I've remembered, reflected and realized how awful I was to those who meant (and mean) so much to me. I was needy, draining and demanding. I was selfish, inconsiderate and hurtful. I think I had a small idea of what I was doing to my friends who loved me so well, but I am now starting to realize how deeply I hurt them. Even now, I am sure I don't know the whole of the pain, grief, despair, worry and hopelessness I brought to their lives. For this, all I can think to say is, I'm sorry.

Thank  you.
Despite all the things I did, the way I acted and the things I  said, you still loved me. You walked alongside when you could. You watched and prayed fervently when you couldn't. You cared about me, and you didn't let me forget it. You helped me to remember that it mattered that I was here. For this, I hope you know I am forever grateful and I want to say, Thank you.

Ultimately I want to say,
Praise the LORD.
I know that it is because He loved us first, that I was (and am) loved so  by the people in my life. It is encouraging and extremely overwhelming to know that I have people in my life that demonstrate genuinely love as they know and experience from Love. I am so unworthy, but yet I am loved so deeply. And as amazing as the people in my life are, it's not them. It's God. I am overwhelmed as I think of all the love and friendship and community that I have experienced and filled with joyful encouragement

THIS IS THE CHURCH.
Loving God, loving others. What more is there?


I apologize if this is kind of a downer post. It's not meant to be. In fact, I hope for the exact opposite! I have undoubtedly been humbled and overwhelmed by grace this weekend, but how sweet it is.

Words cannot express how thankful I am that He and you never let go.