twelve and thirteen. [of ten thousand]

And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. -Sylvia Plath

We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect. - Anaïs Nin

I made a decision to start writing again.
(Mainly inspired/encouraged by a cool guy named Dave)

And even though it bugs me to be starting on such a random day —a Wednesday, the 21st—this decision would be meaningless without action. So here I am, 10 months and 14 days since my last post, writing. Picking up where I left off...

twelve.

Praise God for bringing me to Fresno Pacific.
There are many reasons I'm thankful I went to FPU and near the top of the list are the professors like the ones above who taught, challenged and encouraged me both in and out of the classroom. I recently realized that December will mark TWO years of being a college graduate. What a blessing to still be able to call professors like these three mentors and friends.

thirteen.
How can young people keep their way pure?
By guarding it according to your word.
With my whole heart I seek you;
do not let me stray from your commandments.
I treasure your word in my heart,
so that I may not sin against you.
Blessed are you, O Lord;
teach me your statutes.
With my lips I declare
all the ordinances of your mouth.
I delight in the way of your decrees
as much as in all riches.
I will meditate on your precepts,
and fix my eyes on your ways.
I will delight in your statutes;
I will not forget your word. 

-Psalm 119:9-16

Praise God for His Word. 

One of my professors, the one pictured on the right above, introduced me to a new way of approaching the Bible. For each class he taught, he chose a passage that we would read at the beginning of each class period. Let me be clear, we read the same passage every class session. I remember thinking that it was weird and well, boring at first.  But eventually this practice helped me to understand that the Bible is the Living Word of God, speaking anew to us each time we read it. I was reminded that the Bible wasn't simply a tool or resource to use to write papers and tell stories, but that it provides another way for God to reveal Himself to us. 

Still on this train of thought; this summer I was challenged to memorize Psalm 121 with the Midweek Kids Connection team. Honestly, it had been years since I had intentionally worked on memorizing Scripture and I must say, I really enjoyed it! I loved being able to recall an encouraging passage to a friend when they were feeling down. I liked it so much I decided I wanted to memorize something else. So, I've (just barely) begun memorizing the Gospel of Mark. I know a whole book is a big jump from a single (short) Psalm, but I figured, why not? I thought it'd be a good idea to choose a Gospel, so I chose Mark because a) I took a Bib Lit class on it in college and b) it's the shortest, ha. I've currently got down the first...eleven(?) verses, so I've got quite a ways to go (biggest understatement). But feel free to check in on me and make sure I'm actually making time to work on it! I'm thinking it'd be nice to have it all memorized by the end of the year.

Whew, I can really tell I haven't been writing. Here's to hoping I get back into the swing of it really soon!

sempre em frente.

I was inspired today.

This afternoon I had a chance to share tea and conversation with my dear friend Alyssa. I feel we've been so blessed to share similar "heart-stirrings" for people and places that are so far from  those that we grew up calling "home"--Espaço in Massamá for me and The Imara Health Clinic in Kenya for her. After five years of living in different cities/states/countries, it has been/is truly a blessing to have such a genuine friendship.

As we spent the afternoon catching up, sharing both joys and challenges we've encountered, I realized something really important...


It may not be easy to carry out the call that God's put on our lives, in fact it has potential to be downright difficult. I know I may come across seemingly impossible obstacles and will not get to take the "easy way out". I am not under the impression that the grass in Portugal will be greener and life will be without oppression or hardship, I know life there will come with its own challenges.

But, regardless of what obstacles I'm facing now or which ones are still yet to come, I'm called to love God and love others and for me,  the Portuguese are a specific people God's placed on my heart to love.

I don't know why and I can't explain it, all I know is that after five years of daily thinking and praying for them and almost weekly weeping in homesickness, I can't deny that God's going to bring me back there. And because of that, I should not, could not, would not give up pursuing God's plans. (Sorry for the Dr.Suess-esque phrasing)

When you're giving or getting directions in Portugese, you say, "sempre em frente" to communicate that one should go straight. If you break apart this phrase it reads, "always in front". I love this. In order to stay straight on the path God's calling us to, we have to keep Him in front of us always---our number one priority.

So I head to bed in peace tonight as I cling to the hope that although I face obstacles, He has overcome!

seasons.

Graduation was on Saturday.

Not for me, but for the rest of my class. We're done with undergrad. We're moving on.

The season is changing.

I've really struggled with the whole "seasons" thing. Change can be pretty difficult on its on, whether it's changing schools, jobs or place of residence. But mostly I've dreaded friendship seasons. I've heard it over and over that "Some people are only in  your life for a season, Katy."

I HATED that. 

Why couldn't they stay around? Was it something I did? How do I not do that or why did I keep doing that? 

I've talked to many and prayed a lot about having peace with this, and it's a work in progress.

I had a bit of a breakthrough yesterday, though. A breakthrough after a bit of a breakdown.

Breakdown: My roommate who became an amazing friend moved home to Southern California. It's been an enormous blessing to have her in my life for the past four years, and I'm confident we're "stuck" with each other, but it's still hard to see the seasons change from living in the same room to living on the same campus to living in the same town to just living in the same state. 

Breakthrough: Brad spoke on 1 Corinthians 9:1-19 and Paul's teachings on choosing Love over our rights and freedoms. It was the perfect message for me to hear on many levels, but a breakthrough came when I realized that God's calling of my heart to Portugal means I'll have to sacrifice a lot. A main focus of the passage was on Paul's defense and later refusal of his right to earn money for his ministry. (v. 14-18) Now, I came to accept the fact long ago that I wouldn't ever make a lot of money  doing what God was calling me to do. That I have no problem with. It wasn't money I'd argue with God about.

It's relationships.

Not even romantic ones, although there's been arguments and someday they'll be again over those too. But friendships. Deep, genuine, intimate friendships. 

It's been a common lament of mine that the friends I feel closest to and safest with live the farthest away from me. Whether it's another city or another state, there's at least four hours between us. 

In my selfish, narrow-sighted anger, I'd cry out: "Why are all of the people who "get" me and love me so far away?" What's wrong with me? Why doesn't anyone stay around?"

And then yesterday, the breakthrough...

God's placed those people in my life in different places so that I can learn how to do daily life without them and with Him. He's showing me that I can maintain friendships, deep, rich, intimate friendships, with people who live far from me. Whether we have eight hours of a time difference or driving separating us, it's totally doable. 

So, if you're changing seasons, remember He's got reason. ;)

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: 

a time to be born, and a time to die;

a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; 

a time to kill, and a time to heal;

a time to break down, and a time to build up; 

a time to weep, and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 

a time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;

a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 

a time to seek, and a time to lose;

a time to keep, and a time to throw away; 

a time to tear, and a time to sew;

a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 

a time to love, and a time to hate;

a time for war, and a time for peace.

- Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 

hey, me too.

"Friendship arises out of mere companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden). The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, "What? You too? I thought I was the only one." -- Clive Staples Lewis, The Four Loves

This quote seems to sum up most of my week, and I love it! Have you ever experienced this? What a blessing, huh? 

I'm not sure what it is about communitas, but ever since we talked about it in the Exodus class I took last semester, I feel like I've been hungry for it, on the look out for it...and boy, have I seen/found it! I don't think it's a matter of "finding" it, but rather being intentional in seeking and seeing it.

I had some excellent conversations this week, some lasted about half an hour, another almost seven! Although each was about something quite different from the other, the what tied them all together was that sense of utter relief, comfort and hope that comes from knowing you're not alone. That someone else gets it. That someone else knows. That they've been there too. Regardless of how long or how often these conversations happen, I am always so encouraged and blessed by the understanding, the friendship, the communitas. 

I had a thought earlier this week: "This season may be liminal, but it is far from inadvertent." That definition that I referenced before mentions that communitas is created when people experience liminality together. I think that's why I'm so excited about this time in my life, this season. This may be a sort of "in-between" time, but I'm already seeing that God's got a lot for me here. My challenge is to be engaged here while being aware of the fire in my heart for Massamá and Espaço. (Not too hard to do when I'm thinking and praying and missing them on a weekly basis!)

Could I ask you to join me in praying for wisdom, peace and clarity as I discern what this will look like? I have an opportunity to serve with Youth For Christ's Campus Life clubs, a ministry that pretty much defined my high school experience, I could get back into Kids Connection at The Well and I'm sure there are other opportunities that I don't even know about yet. I am excited to see where it is God wants me while I'm here.

I hope you have some, "Hey, me too!" moments this week! Seek them out. :)