adopted.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, just as He chose us in Christ before the foundation of the world to be holy and blameless before Him in love. He destined us for adoption as His children through Jesus Christ, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of His glorious grace that he freely bestowed on us in the Beloved.In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace that He lavished on us. With all wisdom and insight he has made known to us the mystery of His will, according to his good pleasure that He set forth in Christ, as a plan for the fullness of time, to gather up all things in Him, things in heaven and things on earth. In Christ we have also obtained an inheritance,having been destined according to the purpose of Him who accomplishes all things according to his counsel and will, so that we, who were the first to set our hope on Christ, might live for the praise of his glory. In Him you also, when you had heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and had believed in him, were marked with the seal of the promised Holy Spirit; this is the pledge of our inheritance towards redemption as God’s own people, to the praise of His glory.

--Ephesians 1:3-14, NRSV (emphasis added)

Ohhh LORD, You're doing something in me. 

There's a big long story that goes along with all that has the wheels in my mind turning, but I think there's just this one part that I need to share here. The rest is best saved for a solid conversation over a good cup of tea.

Being adopted, I feel I have been blessed with a fairly unique experience and understanding of being called a Child of God. When I was adopted twenty-three years ago, I became a part of this family called the Hetheringtons. I became a Hetherington. 

I am my parents' daughter. I am my brothers' sister. 

Where I came from doesn't define me. I am loved as a part of my family.

How much more so is this true with Christ? 

I have sinned, epically. I have failed, constantly. 

But that is not what defines me, I am a daughter of The King.

Did you get that , Katy? A DAUGHTER of the KING.

All He has is mine. 

And yet, I am stuck living as if I am nothing, no one. 

Lacking in knowledge, skill, faith, ability.

As if He isn't sufficient, that He isn't enough. 

But I'm taking a stand against the lies. 

The lie that I am not good enough but somehow have the ability to make myself better.

The lie that I have no purpose, no use for The Kingdom. 

The lie that my identity is found in anything or anyone but Christ alone.

And claiming the truth. 

That I am no longer defined by my past, my sin, but am made NEW in Christ. 

That I am a child of the King, I am loved as part of His family--the Church.

I am His. He is All.

surrender.

Ever had one of those days when the strings of conviction are tugging so intently on your heart you have no choice but dropping everything and saying,

"Yes, God."

Today was that day for me.

It started this morning.
Christian was going through the promise of Jesus, explaining that He was God's intention from the beginning. God didn't choose to send Jesus after His other "attempts" to cultivate a relationship with us were "thwarted". Jesus was not the back up plan. God doesn't have those. His plans are the ones that prevail. Christian challenged us to examine ourselves, to take an honest look at what plans we are pursing--Plans B, C, D or Plan A?

As I drove home, I heard God whispering,
"Which plan are you seeking? Whose is it?"


tug, tug. 

Then tonight, I went to hear my dear friend Alyssa share about selfless service. She talked about how sometimes the best way to serve selflessly is to take a step back rather than insisting to meet every need we see. That we don't pick and choose who and when to serve, but gladly serve whoever, whenever and wherever. And that even when it doesn't make sense, we must surrender our plans to Him.

As I listened to Lys speak of how God is moving and working in her life as she surrenders her life to Him, I heard that familiar whisper again,
"Do you trust me?"


Tug, Tug.

On the car ride home, I heard TobyMac's song Me Without You. It's pretty catchy, despite being quite far from the type of music I typically listen to, but the lyrics really pulled on my heart, the final pull that brought down the wall I've built around my plans, my heart.

I'd be packing my bags when I need to stay - because I'd really like to move to Portugal NOW.
I'd be chasing every breeze that blows my way -because I'm so eager to find a way to get there.
I'd be building my kingdom just to watch it fade away - and I wonder why all my plans fail.


TUG, TUG.

I think God's leading me to read through the book of Jonah this month. I feel a bit like Jonah. God's given me a a gift, the heart for a country, but I'm insisting on using it on my own terms. I don't want to have to get swallowed by a fish to figure out that God's plan is going to prevail no matter what tricks I think I have up my sleeve.


I'm realizing that although it was most definitely God who has given me the gift of loving the people of Portugal, everything I've been doing--or trying to do--has been of my own ambition. I have created nice, neat one, two and five-year plans. I claim to be willing to be okay with "however God moves" but in my heart and mind, I've already decided the basic framework of  how and when I will serve while only saving the "nitty gritties" for God.

So today, God clearly said, No.
I don't know if this means I will never go to Portugal and live as I imagine and long to but rather learn how to better serve and love them from here. Just typing that out has me struggling to see my screen through the tears.

It's terrifying.

If I'm not leaving for Portugal in the next few years, then what am I doing!?
Why am I working at a job that has nothing to do with my major if not to pay off my loans and leave?
And WHAT do I do with the daily ache to live and serve and be in Portugal?

I. Don't. Know.

But if I'm honest, I do know that all of those questions can be summed up with one confession.

God, I'm terrified of what You will say when I lay down my plans and ideas and say yes to You.


But following God is not about the easiest, safest choice. It's about saying YES to Him.

So here's to a month of reading, listening and surrendering to the One whose plans never fail.

fathers.

When I looked up the word "father" in my Apple Dictionary, the first thing I saw was this:

   

father |ˈfäT͟Hər|

noun

1 a man in relation to his natural child or children.

That really doesn't cut it for me.
See, there is a man who fits this description for me. I've never met him. I have about three full sentences to tell me about him. He really didn't want anything to do with me...

"knowing she was pregnant, he tried to avoid his responsibilities for the child, and quitted the coffee house [where my mother met and fell in love with him]."


There is another man who doesn't fit that description, but has been a provider, protector, leader, teacher and friend...my dad. As I mentioned when I bragged about my momma, I really am blessed to have hand-picked parents. :)

I guess you could say I'm a bit of a daddy's girl.Not because I've got him wrapped around my finger, but because we've always had a special bond, me and my dad.

He was the one who read  a chapter of Sideways Stories from Wayside School(and a slew of other books, I'm sure)  to me before bed. The one who always had Juicefuls(anyone else remember these?) in the driver's side door. The one who took me to The Coffee Shop to get a hot chocolate topped with a tower whipped cream. The one took me to the Six Flags water park and skipped all of the big slides because I was too scared to go on them. The  who I called when I totaled my car the second day of college. The one who cuts out the his favorite Pearls Before Swine funnies for me.

He works so hard, often out of town because that's where the work is, but his only complaint is that he's far from us. He's really the only person I know who could be "stuck" in Hawaii for two months and hate it. :)

But I know that the reason my dad is so great is because he loves our Father. The One who created both of us. Our Savior who loved us both first.

I know Father's day may have been difficult for many people because the man they know as father is nothing more than a "man in relation to his natural child". If that's who I was supposed to celebrate on Sunday, I would have probably wanted to skip it too. But praise God that He is the  Father who loves us best. 

"See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are." -1 John 3:1a (ESV)

sempre em frente.

I was inspired today.

This afternoon I had a chance to share tea and conversation with my dear friend Alyssa. I feel we've been so blessed to share similar "heart-stirrings" for people and places that are so far from  those that we grew up calling "home"--Espaço in Massamá for me and The Imara Health Clinic in Kenya for her. After five years of living in different cities/states/countries, it has been/is truly a blessing to have such a genuine friendship.

As we spent the afternoon catching up, sharing both joys and challenges we've encountered, I realized something really important...


It may not be easy to carry out the call that God's put on our lives, in fact it has potential to be downright difficult. I know I may come across seemingly impossible obstacles and will not get to take the "easy way out". I am not under the impression that the grass in Portugal will be greener and life will be without oppression or hardship, I know life there will come with its own challenges.

But, regardless of what obstacles I'm facing now or which ones are still yet to come, I'm called to love God and love others and for me,  the Portuguese are a specific people God's placed on my heart to love.

I don't know why and I can't explain it, all I know is that after five years of daily thinking and praying for them and almost weekly weeping in homesickness, I can't deny that God's going to bring me back there. And because of that, I should not, could not, would not give up pursuing God's plans. (Sorry for the Dr.Suess-esque phrasing)

When you're giving or getting directions in Portugese, you say, "sempre em frente" to communicate that one should go straight. If you break apart this phrase it reads, "always in front". I love this. In order to stay straight on the path God's calling us to, we have to keep Him in front of us always---our number one priority.

So I head to bed in peace tonight as I cling to the hope that although I face obstacles, He has overcome!

a thousand words:part three.

when all that's within me feels dry.

You are still God.

a thousand words:part two.

I am trying to understand, how to walk this weary land.

whatever's in front of me help me to sing hallelujah. 

a thousand words:part one.

*I know I intended this blog to be a place of reflection through written word as I wrestle with and learn what living missionally looks like, but lately God's been drawing me back to reflect, cry out and worship with art. (No pun intended...really, I don't draw, I paint). So,with paint splattered arms and thristy heart...here is part one of a few days of a few thousand words.

when my my world is shaking, heaven stands.

when my heart is breaking, I never leave your hand.

Inspired by:

"Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?" 

and