airplanes and earth.

I love to travel.


I especially love traveling when it includes taking an airplane. There's just something about being up in the sky, looking out the window at the pillows of clouds and the patchwork quilt that is the Earth that is so...exhilarating.awe-inspiring.peaceful.

In an airplane, I can see for miles. In an airplane, I can take in the map of the land. In an airplane, I can see the big picture. 

This is a valuable view, one I don't often get. You see, I live on the ground. I am surrounded by the present. On the ground, I often forget that there is more to the picture than what I see in front of me.

However, on the ground, I can see the cracks in the road and the needles on the pines. On the ground, I can see the smiles and tears on the faces of those I love. On the ground, I can see the details. 

Therefore, this is also a valuable view.

The problem I face is finding the balance between the two.
Spend too much time in an airplane, and I begin to think I know best, that I have control. I am soon selfish.

Spend too much time on the ground, and I begin to think everything is limited to the here and the now, that I am stuck. I am soon overwhelmed.


I am constantly finding myself struggling to find the middle space. I'm not sure what that looks like exactly. Well actually, maybe do. I think it'll be orange.
(it's okay if you don't get that part.)


Anyone else feel like they're stuck in an airplane or a car? If yes, praise God! We are not alone in this. :)


¡Vaya con Dios!

rainy.

Rain, rain come this way,
Come to stay for several days.
That's the song I'll teach my children someday. 

There's just something about rain that I just can't seem to get enough of. A friend of mine said it quite perfectly this week. Rain is:
"Such a relief. Rest. Joy."

I know I didn't always used to like rainy days. When I was really young, I was terrified of lighting (I figured our log home would burn pretty well...) and in high school I remember complaining about how I hated the way my jeans turned into giant sponges that had half of my leg drenched by lunchtime. But as time went by and life was experienced, as with many other things, my views were broadened and I began to see it differently.

My sophomore year of college was by far the most difficult year of my life. (Seems a bit naïve to say that since I've been alive for twenty-two years. Anyway...) That year was difficult emotionally, mentally, physically and especially spiritually. You know when people say they're going through a dry spell in their relationship with God? I felt like I was in a desert.  There were few things that brought me genuine joy during that year, but one of them was rain. Rain brought cleansing. Nourishment. Healing. In the rain I felt remembered. I felt cared for. I felt loved. 

In movies, rain seems most often connected to a sad scene. In the movie of my life, rain became a source of pure joy. I guess that's why I get so bummed out when people rag on the rain. Maybe sometimes rain does make you sad, but I've found it's okay to be sad sometimes. Following Jesus doesn't mean being happy all the time. Life is tough. There are moments of great pain and moments of great joy. And also just moments that don't seem to fit in either of those extremes. 

You may not think about rain the way I do, but I think there's probably something God's used in each of our lives that we may not have expected, or even liked, to reveal Himself in a new way and bring us closer to Him. Let's encourage each other, sometimes it's really difficult to see those things when we're still in the midst of them.

p.s. if you've never tried it, I highly encourage you to go dance in the rain this week! (barefoot is best)

good plan.

"O LORD my God, you have performed many wonders for us. Your plans for us are too numerous to list. You have no equal. If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds, I would never come to the end of them." --Psalm 40:5, NLT


This past week was filled with overwhelming, undeniable confirmations that God has some wonderful plans for me, here and in Massamá:


On Tuesday, I had Portugal on my mind...ALL DAY. This isn't too uncommon, but on this day in particular, I was overwhelmed with homesickness. The workday seemed to go by painstakingly slow and I found myself frustrated that I was in an office, sitting in front of a computer, scanning documents and inputting budget hours into a database. My heart and brain seemed to scream, "THIS IS NOT WHAT I WAS MADE TO DO!" with every hour that passed. After work, I drove to the grocery store to meet up with my mom to get snacks for the get-together I was hosting on Saturday. I arrived before she did so I waited in my car, that's when the tears came. I found myself sobbing in the Food 4 Less parking lot, feeling a  literal ache to be at Espaço with Joe and Paula, Mila,Zé and Herculano, Dona Fernanda and everyone else there. I realized that this homesick feeling was not something to brush off, it's not very normal to cry in a grocery store's parking lot, and began to pray for all of them. I didn't get a specific vision of why that community was so heavily laid upon my heart, but I did feel a sense of hope begin to grow as I prayed. Hope for what's been done and what will be done. In the lives of those people, in their neighborhood, in their city and in their country. And hope that someday, I'll get to be a part of it all.


On Wednesday, I received a check in the mail that is going to cut my student loan debt in half. It's a long story of how I got blessed with this money, but ultimately all you need to know is that "God's work done in God's way will never lack God's supply" (Hudson Taylor). I know that this does not mean God's supply is always money, in this case I think money was only part of what He supplied. Notice that the tears and love for Portugal happened before the money came. I feel more blessed to still have a passion to be with the community and ministry that's going on in Massamá. Yes, this money will be one important section of the path that's being cleared and prepared for me to return, but I do not want to forget that the reason I'm even on this path is because God has led me here.


On Friday, I found out that I will be gaining some new responsibilities at work. The next two weeks will be filled with training as I become a key person in the firm's marketing publications (newsletters, promo items, etc.) and event planning (Wednesday night Tax Season dinners for staff, staff parties, staff appreciation and acknowledgement). I am SO excited for this. My first thought was: "I GET TO CREATE STUFF!" and my second, "I CAN TAKE THIS KNOWLEDGE/SKILL SET TO PORTUGAL!" (Apparently, I yell my thoughts.) When I met with one of the partners to officially accept the new responsibilities, I gained another reason why this is going to be such a great fit. He said something along the lines of, "This will really be great for you to use in your future ministry plans. You'll be given a message that needs to be shared and it's you're job to figure out the best way to communicate and spread that message." He also taked about Paul and how he approached his ministry. Um, can I just say, YES.
And also, maybe I should have minored or something in Communications. 
Regardless, God is so good to give me a peek into what good plans He has for me here and now.


I hope this didn't come off as braggy or prideful. My hope is that you are encouraged to know that God's got some pretty sweet plans for us. And He provides. In His way and in His timing.

"'For surely I know the plans I have for you', says the Lord, 'plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.'"--Jeremiah 29:11, NRSV

hey, me too.

"Friendship arises out of mere companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden). The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, "What? You too? I thought I was the only one." -- Clive Staples Lewis, The Four Loves

This quote seems to sum up most of my week, and I love it! Have you ever experienced this? What a blessing, huh? 

I'm not sure what it is about communitas, but ever since we talked about it in the Exodus class I took last semester, I feel like I've been hungry for it, on the look out for it...and boy, have I seen/found it! I don't think it's a matter of "finding" it, but rather being intentional in seeking and seeing it.

I had some excellent conversations this week, some lasted about half an hour, another almost seven! Although each was about something quite different from the other, the what tied them all together was that sense of utter relief, comfort and hope that comes from knowing you're not alone. That someone else gets it. That someone else knows. That they've been there too. Regardless of how long or how often these conversations happen, I am always so encouraged and blessed by the understanding, the friendship, the communitas. 

I had a thought earlier this week: "This season may be liminal, but it is far from inadvertent." That definition that I referenced before mentions that communitas is created when people experience liminality together. I think that's why I'm so excited about this time in my life, this season. This may be a sort of "in-between" time, but I'm already seeing that God's got a lot for me here. My challenge is to be engaged here while being aware of the fire in my heart for Massamá and Espaço. (Not too hard to do when I'm thinking and praying and missing them on a weekly basis!)

Could I ask you to join me in praying for wisdom, peace and clarity as I discern what this will look like? I have an opportunity to serve with Youth For Christ's Campus Life clubs, a ministry that pretty much defined my high school experience, I could get back into Kids Connection at The Well and I'm sure there are other opportunities that I don't even know about yet. I am excited to see where it is God wants me while I'm here.

I hope you have some, "Hey, me too!" moments this week! Seek them out. :)

so live your life. (no tellin' where it'll take ya)

Sunday night, we meet again. Sometimes, more often that not actually, I cannot believe how quickly time passes. I actually thought about writing yesterday, but the procrastinator lives on. :/
It really would have made sense for me to write this yesterday, since most of what I'll be rambling on tonight happened yesterday...but I digress. 

If you ever drive out to my house from town, assuming you're not coming from Sanger, I'll tell you to watch for a curve in the road and the flashing yellow 30 MPH sign, you'll make a right turn off of the main 168 to get to my house. Well if you miss that turn off, or choose to pass it by like I did, you head straight up towards Prather, Auberry and eventually Shaver Lake. I decided to take the short drive up to the San Joaquin River Gorge just outside of Auberry. Beautiful place, short little hikes. It's best in the summer/early fall to explore the little(very little, think shimmy, not walking around) caves, but since I was alone and knew the sun would be setting in a few short hours, I decided to take the shorter trail to the bridge. All that babble to get you here:

After I had been walking for awhile, actually it couldn't have been more than fifteen minutes, I felt like the trail seemed to be longer than I remembered. I knew I was on the right trail, but I guess I was just impatient to get to the destination. I kept walking and heard water flowing, and it sounded quite close. Excited, I walked a little faster, only to find that the source was only a stream running down the side of a slope. I stopped to take a few photos and just listen to the water run by, but after a few minutes I got up and kept going. Although it was pretty and right there it wasn't what I had come for. 
Eventually I heard the faint sound of the river rushing and several minutes later I could see the bridge. Beautiful view. So worth the drive, the walk, the chill in the air and the light drizzle from the sky.

You know when you hear a message/sermon/devotional and the speaker just seems to have the perfect life example that fits in with what they're talking about? I always wondered how they always found such great examples. What I realized is that it's not that their lives are any more exciting or spiritual than mine, but rather that they were intentionally aware of how God was moving and working in their lives, from grocery shopping to taking a hike. On this hike in particular, I realized I had encountered some of those "really cool life examples":
-Even though the "trail" you're on may seem long and even daunting at times, remember God's past faithfulness. Keep going.
-God's voice isn't always the loudest one. There will be sounds/voices that seem a lot louder and closer, maybe even some that sound like what you're looking for. Be discerning. Keep listening.
-God is quite the Creator. Not really a metaphorical way to tie that in..but seriously, He makes some beautiful things. 

Again, mostly notes for myself. I guess it would be pretty cool to share these with a group. Or kind of terrifying.  Anyway, let's open our ears and be encouraged by His still, small voice.

Uniquely Me.

I was struggling this week to come up with a topic to blog about. Several ideas came to mind throughout the week, and although I could have written something about them, I didn't really feel that any of them were quite right. It was this morning at church when my former (and first college) roommate and I decided to attend our church's Discovery class, an informational introduction to the church. (Please note use of "little c" church...I really will go further into that on here someday) Anyway, I had already taken the class about a year ago, but my roommate wanted someone to go with and I figured it would be a good idea to go again, now that I'm actually in a life group and served with the children's ministry over the summer, to get a refresher. Anyway, part of the "homework" for this class includes the self-assessment tool Your Unique Design, which brings me to the subject of this week's rambling...


Over the past few years I have taken an assortment of personality assessments for church, classes and leadership teams that have assigned me a color (I'm a blue), determined what my top five strengths are (belief, harmony, achiever, developer and responsibility), given me insight to my Unique Design (I'm an Energizer-Harmonizer), and revealed my Darksides (Codependency and Compulsiveness have the strongest influence on my leadership). Each of these provided their own little spin or way of wording what ultimately describes...me.

Almost every time I answered one of those 20-100+ question assessments, I was never really that surprised with the outcomes. If anything, it simply gave a label (or name or color or...) to what I already knew to be true about myself. I really think the most insightful assessment came from Rima and McIntosh's Overcoming the Darksides of Leadership, which I encountered/utilized in Christian Leadership and Administration with Quentin Kinnison. (If any Sunbirds ever need a class...take this one!!) It was then that I realized: yes, we all have our own strengths, talents, and gifts that make us unique and valuable parts of the Body of Christ, but we cannot be so arrogant to forget that we each have our own weaknesses too. 

I also found that my darksides, the tendencies that I lean towards in the midst of chaos and stress, were closely connected to several of my strengths. I realized that the misuse of my strengths could lead to destruction rather than construction. For example, I saw how my strengths of harmony, achiever and responsibility explained my sense of drive and obligation to do all that is asked of me and to do it to the absolute best of my ability, all of that being motivated by a need to please and keep peace. These tendencies can lead to self-destructive behavior when I focus more on keeping others happy, codependency, and the pressure to perform flawlessly, compulsiveness. Kind of an unsettling thought, but I remember leaving the class with the assurance that ultimately my identity is found in Christ alone.

In tying all of this back to the running theme of what it means and how to live missionally, I guess I just want to celebrate the diversity of the Church and share how I've been challenged to grow with everyone. As I said at the beginning of the post, I'm just now joining a life group (which is by no means the only way to connect and fellowship with others), so I'm learning too. These posts are never meant to be judgmental, just an honest sharing of what I've been learning and an invitation to join with me.

Let's build one another up and keep one another accountable!

simply wonderful.

When I started this blog, one of my hopes was that it could serve as a sort of [giant] post-it of sorts that would track my trains of thought (hah! a little pun-y there :)) in my journey to find what it means and how to practically live missionally daily. Here's one to stick on the corkboard to think about and perhaps come back to later...


I know the Christmas season has already passed, but I've been mulling over some things about my favorite Christmas movie, Frank Capra's It's a Wonderful Life. My mom and I have made an attempt to watch it together during the Christmas season for the past few years, usually while wrapping presents or decorating the tree, and I only wish we would have started the tradition earlier. Anyway, as we were watching it this year, I couldn't help but make a connection to a theme I'd become quite familiar with during my studies at FPU: communitas.

I came up with a working definition of communitas during my "adventure" (Sounds, way more fun than "final project", right? It was!) for the Exodus/Deuteronomy Bib Lit course I took from Dave Wainscott:
"the unifying spirit, social equality, solidarity and togetherness that is found when a community shares common values, goals and beliefs while working towards a common goal"

I also love the Dictionary.com definition:

"the sense of sharing and intimacy that develops among persons who experience liminality as a group."

I think some combination of both of these really capture my understanding of the concept and explain the connection I found in It's a Wonderful Life.

I know there are so many other themes and concepts that can be gleaned from this movie, but this idea of living for one another rather than ourselves is the one that really struck a chord with me. In keeping with the goal mentioned at the beginning of this post, I see this as a key element of how the Church(I'll save the conversation of the distinction between "little 'c' churches" from "Big 'C' Church", but essentially, think global, worldwide Body of believers) is to carry out MissioDei. What would it look like to "love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honour" a la Romans 12:10? To realize we're all on the SAME team, a part of ONE Body that could be used to do miraculous things if we would just love one another.


Undeniably the conversations that were still fresh in my mind from the projects and papers I had turned in the week before I watched the movie this year had a strong influence on how I watched the movie and what stood out, but I don't think that's the worst thing. Actually, quite the contrary, I am so glad that I did take notice of the presence of communitas in the classic film. I hope the thing I've learned during the past three and a half years continue to shape and challenge me to dig deeper. 


Finally, I'll leave you with the lines that grabbed my attention and got me on this whole ramble...


Uncle Billy: Mary did it, George! Mary did it! She told some people you were in trouble and then, they scattered all over town collecting money. They didn't ask any questions - just said: "If George is in trouble, count me in..."

And here's that scene:

Hee-haw and Happy second week of the year!